Dating is an age-old cultural activity practised by many of the most advanced cultures in the world, in which two individuals meet privately in order to assess the other’s compatibility as a potential partner in a forthcoming intimate relationship. The word “dating” is derived from the Greek word “dekroma”, which means “to align oneself”.

It is often practiced in North America, where it has been regarded since at least the mid-nineteenth century, and may have first appeared in English around the same time as the term “matrimony”.

The basis of contemporary individualistic dating is the idea of seeing someone as only being interested in a particular aspect of a person – whether this be physical attraction a general friendship, common interests or some other such facet. In this way, the act of dating becomes a more active exercise in the quest for the object of one’s desire. And whereas before, dating consisted of a mutual recognition of like qualities and a readiness to develop these into a more enduring relationship, modern dating has seen a variety of elements to develop within the field of dating, adding different elements of personalization and exclusion. For example, while earlier people would date within a specific social circle, today many people (particularly younger people) feel more comfortable dating outside their own social circles.

But it is worth noting that exclusivity is not always required in a relationship and is not necessarily a bad thing. The fact of the matter is that many people do indeed date outside their own social circles, and if this does not work for you then there is always the alternative of online dating. Online dating has become increasingly popular over the last decade or so, with more people than ever ditching the pub to find that true love and romance can be found online. Although internet dating is said to have a much higher success rate than traditional methods of courtship and dating, those who still insist on the idea of exclusivity within a relationship should remember that online dating does not offer a real chance to meet someone else, nor does it offer the kind of personal contact that only comes through a personal conversation.

Exclusivity can however lead to some problems… if you think about it. Suppose you are a Christian and therefore expect to only date people of the same faith… then how do you expect to meet someone from an entirely different faith? Even within Christianity itself there are many different strands and ideas of marriage and relationship that people get entwined with, and this can cause problems for couples trying to avoid other points of view when it comes to dating. Of course it could be argued that such a situation is inevitable, and as such, the only way for such couples to ensure that they will get along in the long term is to avoid getting too deeply involved in the first place.

So, is it really fair to expect people to limit themselves to the kind of people that they date, and to expect that they will not get others with whom they can engage in casual sex?

This is not to say that relationship and dating are wholly removed from the need for some form of exclusivity. On the contrary, courtship and dating generally do involve some degree of exclusivity. Indeed, those who are looking to enter into a serious relationship should generally be prepared for courtship to involve a certain amount of exclusivity from others in the relationship. In fact, those who are looking to start off with a casual relationship, and who want to ensure that they get along with others in that relationship, will need to take the same sort of steps towards courtship and dating, and ensure that they have sufficient ‘distance’ from others before engaging in the physical aspects of courtship and dating.

So, is it fair to say that the exclusivity of the courtship and dating norm allows people to pursue what they wish to pursue, without having to worry about whether someone else might be thinking the same things?

The reality is that there is no hard and fast rule about the ideal amount of exclusivity in a relationship or dating relationship. However, it seems fair to say that those seeking to engage in the courtship and dating norms would generally want as much of the intimacy and emotional investment of their relationship to be reserved for them alone. After all, romance is best maximized when it involves other people, and in that way, the emotional investment generated by romantic relationships can be maximized.

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